6/6/2023 0 Comments Monopoly pieces![]() ![]() You snipped the cable off your headphones to make them look like AirPods. You try to seem fancy but you’re common as muck underneath. Where does a wheelbarrow, an item that is used to transport stuff, come into a lavish lifestyle? Perhaps you can use it to move large amounts of cash around, or have it as a quirky feature in your conservatory once it’s been dipped in gold and given a rustic feel. Playing a game like Monopoly is supposed to leave you with desiring an aspirational lifestyle which comprises of owning many properties, hotels and houses included, then metaphorically spitting on your family members by charging them an outrageous fee when they come to stay over. There’s a reason why this piece was discontinued in 2017 and that’s because it’s shit. You’ll usually finish in second or third place, but have a rollicking good time regardless. You’ll fixate on different areas throughout the game, first lusting after lots of cash, then property, then making sure your sister doesn’t do better than you because she’s always embarrassing you with her real life accomplishments. It’s a bit unconventional and struggles to find balance. The top hat perfectly encapsulates your approach towards Monopoly. Also, you love vaping CBD oil in the bathroom. What these people don’t realise it that you are incredibly average at your job, but the wacky ideas your brain concocts has blinded them and tricked them into revering you as a total genius. You love chaos and have blagged your way into a creative industry where your “lateral thinking” is encouraged. You’re easily distracted and you’ve somehow managed to incorporate that into your career. Monopoly doesn’t really matter to you, you’re just happy to spend time with loved ones and watch them viciously sabotage each other for the sake of winning an entirely fictional game. You don’t mind, you’re very easy-going, plus it’s fun to try and squeeze your finger into the thimble. Everyone else nabs all the good Monopoly pieces before you even get a look in, so the thimble always lands in your lap. Anyway I’ll pop over for dinner on Sunday so we can catch up. And the cat! I hope someone is minding the cat. He’d had a good life, always very cheery whenever you’d bump into him. Hi Mum, how’s things? Everything alright at home? Oh wow, our 90-year-old neighbour died? That’s very sad. Suspicious circumstances in the end, but I’m sure you had nothing to do with it. She never invited you back to play again. You apologised profusely, but her rage was palpable. Unnecessarily so, given that it is literally just a board game. One time you knocked over the entire Monopoly board as you were getting up to go to the bathroom. You’re more interested in getting a mild buzz going and collecting £200 as you pass ‘Go’ than actually investing your time and energy into winning the game. You’d rather do literally anything else than play a board game on a Friday night, but friends know that you’re easily bribed with copious amounts of sparkling wine. While your success rates in Monopoly are close to negative numbers, you’re a free spirit who just wants to have fun.
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